Archive for the ‘The Imaginary New Yorker’ category
07 May 2009
I’m thinking four… Okay, maybe not four. Maybe just three. Actually… Hmm. All of a sudden, I’m really not sure. Let’s start at the beginning. All right, Bank of America, definitely, right? They’re just a bunch of wild men over there. Okay, so that’s one. Citigroup — that bank’s gone way down in hole. Can’t [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog
Tags: banks, blog, citi, citi field, citibank, citigroup, deutsche bank, donny deutsch, insolvency, j.p. morgan, james surowiecki, jpmorgan, jpmorgan chase, jpmorgan chase and co, td bank, the big idea, the new yorker
Comments: 1 Comment
08 Apr 2009
Whoa! Hoppity hoppity boom boom! Chooparoo chooparee! Fraggledy smaggledy whizzerino! Gadfly pudding! Tse tse whiz-bang! Jerk chicken in a pita! I haven’t seen numbers this high since I weighed Marlon Brando! Too soon. Since I weighed William Howard Taft! Too late. Since I weighed Orson Welles! Just right. Man, these numbers are so high they [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog
Tags: james surowiecki, unemployment
Comments: 2 Comments
06 Apr 2009
Ha, ha, ha, okay, this isn’t actually going to be an imaginary New Yorker blog post, I just wanted to call attention to the ridiculousness of that sentence’s appearance on the Web site of the New Yorker. Love him or hate him (I do both, passionately (?)), Sasha Frere-Jones does bring the New Yorker to [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog, music
Tags: ayres, blog, flying lotus, george packer, jubilee, megasoid, nato summit, nick catchdubs, sasha frere-jones, the new yorker, ulysses s grant
Comments: 6 Comments
07 Mar 2009
I’m writing this on my iPhone. I’ve been in this room for 36 hours and I don’t see an exit. I don’t know how I got here or where I am, and I don’t know who put me in here. This room, it’s so white. So clean. I can’t breathe, it’s so white in here. [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog
Tags: blog, critic, fiction, helen mirren, hilton als, kidnapping, magazine, new york, new yorker, prime suspect, the new yorker, theatre, web log
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02 Mar 2009
James began what was to become a lifelong love affair with coconut macaroons when he was seven years old, in the cafeteria of his grammar school, the Westinville Monster School. His classmate Little Petey approached him with a proposition: Little Petey would share his coconut macaroons with James in exchange for a portion of James’s [...]
Categories: The Surowieckipedia
Tags: bacon, barack, barack obama, cafeteria, coconut, Fordham, history, james, james surowiecki, lcd soundsystem is to talking heads as "cerulean" crayons are to the caribbean sea, macaroons, memoir, obama, pablo, petey, pizza, raspberry, salad, sausage, surowiecki, surowieckipedia, vienna, white house
Comments: 1 Comment
28 Feb 2009
I’m sorry, Jerry, but, much as I loved Bee Movie, I don’t have time for film and television anymore. I’m far too busy working on the project that has become my lifeblood — the Surowieckipedia. For decades, people have asked me questions about myself — how I’m doing, where I’m from, where I went to [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog, The Surowieckipedia
Tags: jerry, new yorker, raspberry, seinfeld, surowiecki, wikipedia
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23 Feb 2009
I often stroll the windy canyons of Park Avenue with scarf tight, hands jammed in pockets, and winter cap secure, leaving only my nose exposed to the New York air. This, naturally, leads me to dwell upon the scents I encounter during my flâneur, and, of late, I have noticed a preponderance of maple in [...]
Categories: The Imaginary New Yorker Blog
Tags: central park, druids, horse and buggy, lycra, maple, mystery, new yorker, raspberry, running, syrup, woods
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23 Feb 2009
It’s not actually a hunch. I know exactly where Osama Bin Laden is hiding. He’s under my desk. I’ve had him since August, and I was waiting for Pres. Obama to take office, just to give him a little boost to start his presidency. (Actual post (note: the title is a bit misleading, as Coll [...]
Categories: Raspy Thoughts, The Imaginary New Yorker Blog
Tags: barack, bin laden, bush, george, hiding, obama, osama, pakistan, raspberry, w
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