What clarion call, um, calls? Sounds? What clarion calls? I’m not really sure what a clarion is. Okay, just looked it up: a type of trumpet used in the Middle Ages. So how’s this for a title for this post: “Wherefore sounds the clarion?”

Last time there was a great lapse between posts here at Tin Speaker (back in the Bronze Medals days), the spark that brought me back was a thrilling new piece of technology, one destined to change forever the way we experience the world. I’m talking of course about Microsoft’s Songsmith, which has relegated Apple and its woefully deficient GarageBand to the scrap heap of history.

Today, the motivating factor is news of an event that is sure to make everyone feel awfully swell. It’s called the Brooklyn Cheese Experiment, and I wish I could go. It’s at the Bell House in Gowanus, Brooklyn; perhaps a bit out of the way (perhaps not; I don’t know where you live), but don’t live your life in fear, man. That’s no way to be. The BCE is tomorrow, 13 September 2009, at 1 p.m. — hurry up and get dressed, or you’ll miss it.

So what’s happening here? At first I thought this was just a bunch of people bringing in home-made cheeses and everyone gets to eat them. Maybe that’s what you thought, too. But not quite. What it is is an opportunity for ordinary people (who don’t know which way to go; who, this time, will take things slow) like you and me to bring in their very finest cheese-based dishes to have them judged by a panel of ironically detached Brooklynites (just had to add “Brooklynites” to my Firefox dictionary; I’ll thank myself later). If you pay the $20 to get in ($25 the day of the event), you get to get in on the cheese-based dish action.

Sounds a bit steep, no? But wait. There’s a little surprise going on here. Not only is this a cheese-based dish competition, it’s also a home-made beer competition! Homebrewers from all around Brooklyn will bring their wares and compete for glory. So you can get your drink on, hard body.

I was just kidding about ragging on the judges, by the way. They’re actually quite an accomplished group, with such credits as Iron Chef judge and Editor at Bon Apétit magazine (Andrew Knowlton) and fromager at Chanterelle Restaurant (Adrian Murcia). Much love.

UPDATE: Just checked another part of the Web site, and it says the ticket price includes “a beer from our sponsor.” There are a bunch of beer sponsors, though, so I don’t know if there’s one main one, or you get to choose from among them, or what. I also don’t know if that means you don’t get to sample all the homebrew. The submission guidelines advise the brewers to bring 3.5 gallons of their product, but not to worry about serving cups. I think 3.5 gallons is a bit much to be solely for the judges use (let’s hope it is, at least), so I think you probably do get to sample all the beer.

I also neglected to mention that there’s an afterparty for an additional $5, at the very same Bell House. Not sure what’s going on there. It’s just going to be a bunch of people who are really, really full and don’t feel like moving at all. On the other hand, the Bell House is a great place to get hit on by older women. Just go alone, bring a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being and use your brother’s ID to get an over-21 bracelet. Oh, and also be inconceivably attractive, with muscles that recall the original definition of the word “Titanic.”


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One Comment on “What clarion call, um, calls? Sounds? What clarion calls? I’m not really sure what a clarion is. Okay, just looked it up: a type of trumpet used in the Middle Ages. So how’s this for a title for this post: “Wherefore sounds the clarion?””

  1. zeeb mahwah Says:

    speaking of cheese, who moved mine? clever? no. of course not. silly.

    in all seriousness–my italian mother had the most insane cheese platter for dinner last night.

    cheesed hard. cheesed long.


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