Tin Speaker

This is part two of my struggle against the miserable homebodies who patrol the Gigs section of craigslist. I was so enraged after being flagged for this one I almost pulled an Orlando Brown (you really should click that link if you don’t know what I’m talking about). Good thing Hornblower is wilier than that. Wilier by half. I strike back with the force of my wit — the most potent weapon I know.

Here is the offending advertisement, gentle readers. Look upon it and render in your mind an opinion. Mull it well. This is what democracy looks like

Looking for a hard worker — drive, determination and delicacy a must

Reply to: gigs-zk7zm-1238504477@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-06-24, 08:47PM EDT

There are these Web sites. They’re called http://tinspeaker.com and http://orpheusweaponry.com. They are filled with terrifying words — terrifying… yet enthralling. Spooky. Spooky.

Where do I fit in this crazy world? This is what you are asking yourself. Here’s what I want. I want you to paint your belly to say ‘tinspeaker.com’ or ‘orpheusweaponry.com’ and I want you to walk around hooting and hollering and drawing attention to yourself.

Not your game? Try this on for size — spray paint… you… everywhere… tinspeaker.com… orpheusweaponry.com… giraffes.

Mmmm. That’s nice. Real nice. What else could I possibly have in my bag of tinspeaker.com/orpheusweaponry.com tricks? Ho, boy.

Rice pilaf. Panama. Sir Alex Ferguson. The Pottery Barn Rule. What do these things have in common? You just read them.

Still interested? Sure you are. Here’s what you’re going to do. Dance. In the street and in the gutter. And sing a song. A song that you’ve composed yourself. The song must mention tinspeaker.com and orpheusweaponry.com. You like this idea, don’t you. Sure thing.

Sounds good? Yeah, it does sound good. You know what sounds better?

Money.

How much money?

Try 21 Czech Koruna per hour.

Yes, this is for real. Yes, you also get a baseball autographed by Hornblower.

Will I write you a letter of recommendation?

That depends.

On what?

Well, do you deserve one?

Yes?

Then I guess I will.

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This entry was posted on 25 Jun 2009 at 9:12 pm and is filed under Meta. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: advertising, battle, craigslist, flagging, hatred, marketing, tinspeaker

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