Here’s a dialogue
Reader 1: Hey, Hornblower has been really lazy, lately. Does he just not go to shows any more, or what? Is something wrong with his computer, or his typing hand? Why does he only use one hand to type, anyway? That’s an awful way to do things.
Reader 2: Wow, I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Literally, not a one. Boy.
Reader 1: Where did Reader 3 go?
Reader 2: Come on, now. There was never a third reader. Hornblower’s lucky he even has us.
Hornblower: I heard that.
Readers 1 & 2: Hornblower!
Hornblower: Yeah, it’s me. Check out the muscles.
Reader 1: Wow, those are probably too big, maybe. You’re the strongest person in the Earth, I think
Reader 2: I can’t believe those are muscles and not boulders. Giant boulders under your clothes.
Hornblower: That’s enough, gentle readers. I’ve heard your murmurings for some time now.
Reader 2: Well gee, Hornblower. We just want some new posts, is all. We’re antsy.
Reader 1: Antsy, yeah. Losing sleep, Hornblower, I’m losing sleep.
Hornblower: Go on and find it, then. Go and find that sleep.
Reader 1: What?
Hornblower: …
Reader 1: What does that mean?
Reader 2: How is that possible?
Hornblower: Go, dear reader. Go on and find that sleep.
Reader 1: Um, okay.
Reader 2: What about me?
Hornblower: Shut up and stop complaining. Go read the old posts.
Reader 2: I’ve read them all. Six times each.
Hornblower: Stop crying and read them some more. Write them down in your diary. Memorize them.
Reader 2: You’re the worst person ever.
Hornblower: Listen, reader, I will grind your bones to make some bread, then I will let the bread go stale and then feed it to the ducks.
Reader 2: …
Hornblower: …
Reader 2: I don’t even like this Web log.
Hornblower: Shut up, Frightened Inmate Number 2.
Like this:
This entry was posted on 02 Jun 2009 at 1:37 am and is filed under Make Believe, Meta. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.
Tags: conversation, dialogue, hornblower, horses, raspberry
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02 Jun 2009 at 11:46 am
Can’tn’t you just write regular posts at regular intervals to keep me regular instead of making commentaries about your blog through a fictional conversation?
-Caton A. Hottinspeaker
02 Jun 2009 at 11:50 am
Shut up, Reader 0. If you’re not regular, maybe you should see a doctor or get some laxatives. Or just run far away.
02 Jun 2009 at 12:21 pm
Your stylized prattling does what 3 tsps. of Cod Liver Oil never could [do].
Agent Zero